Thirty-Seven Years Ago Today...

I was a bride.

Knowing I would leave home early this morning for Charleston, I set aside time the last few evenings to reminisce through college scrapbooks, diary excerpts, love letters and our wedding photos. I chuckled through the relational maneuvering of two strong-willed first-borns on a small college campus (yes, I'll admit I was the more stubborn of the two). I lingered over the tender expressions of early love. I delighted in the network of friends that multiplied crazy-fun memories. And I thanked God for the over-the-top joy we shared with family and friends as we made our covenant of love and faithfulness on December 18, 1976.

It hasn't been a tear-less day, but God's grace-gifts have lifted my spirits. The first came on the two hour plane trip here. I read through The Revelation - yea, not exactly cheerful reading material. But it strengthened me to read again that GOD WINS! The King returns in power and glory, and we'll never again know tears, pain, suffering or death. And yes, I will once again know the over-the-top joy of being a bride.

The second gift came after a delicious enchilada dinner David prepared for Ryan and me. The three of us took off for the beach and got there just in time to watch a spectacular pumpkin-orange moon rise over the ocean. I was shivering with cold, but stood transfixed as the rising moon slowly created a shimmering path from the horizon to the beach, glowing increasingly white as it ascended. God's creative glory on display left little room for sad thoughts.

So I go to sleep tonight with happy thoughts of being a bride, both in the past and in the glorious days to come!

God's Equipping in the Uncertainties

Many have asked me, “So what’s ahead?” And my usual answer is, “I don’t have a clue.” God has given me the privilege of a year to work through my grief and prepare for the future. I’m praying for his guidance and for preparation both of my heart and in practical skills, and I saw a specific answer to that prayer in Ethiopia.

Background: Over the course of Steve’s illness, I found I lost my ability to memorize scripture. It just would not stick in my brain, so I continued my through-the-Bible reading and dug deep into the Psalms and prayer. Oddly, just two weeks after Steve transferred to heaven, I realized my mind was clear, and I could memorize again. I felt desperate for a renewed vision of ministry, because for 36 years we've been a team, serving together was our DNA as a couple. What would ministry look like now? How could I even look forward it? 

For this reason, I chose 2 Corinthians 2:14-6:10. I finished memorizing it in mid-September, by the end of my trip out east. I've been meditating on it nearly daily since that time. When I arrived in Ethiopia, I found out that John Piper and Jason Meyer were speaking at a conference hosted by ETC (Evangelical Theological College where Steve taught). I debated about going since I had so many people to see in three short weeks, but in the end I decided that I might meet up with many of Steve's former students and that maybe God was blessing me with a spiritual retreat. 

I didn't know what their topic was until Jason Meyer announced in the first session that they would be covering 2 Corinthians chapters 1-5. I couldn't hold back the tears - God is intent on equipping me. He really wants me to get this passage! I still don't know what is ahead, but God is clearly at work getting me ready for his surprise package. Thank you for praying for my future - God is answering!